Container Magic

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want do do,” my Wildcard Middle School Best Friend confidently stated. “Just tell them ‘no’.”

I blinked my eyes slowly, letting this revolutionary idea wash over me. In a daze, I took in the room around me; the strong scent of perfume, the floor littered with eyeliner crayons, cami tank tops, and a singular, holy beer. The boldness of this sentiment was almost too much to bear as a socially concerned eighth grader. Could we really cancel plan with the girls we didn't want to hang out with? Were we allowed to do that? I thought being a good friend (read: being liked) was about showing up for things you didn’t want to do.

“Instead, let’s steal my dads truck and go see the boys!” Wildcard continued, gaining momentum. “I can totally figure out how to drive!”

And while this was a misguided substitution for what would have been an innocuous sleepover, and that night did devolve into a dangerous series of events that included underage drinking, stealing a car without a license and causing damage to said car (me in the passenger seat mind you), I did get my first glimpse into the wisdom of Self Possession that day. What made that night so exciting, besides a burst gas tank and getting stranded in a sketchy parking lot purgatory for five hours as we debated whether to call my friends dad, was my first brush with personal autonomy. And while I would still have a long way to go on my path of personal liberation after that fateful night, I will always remember that first strike of the match, the initial neural groove carved: “you don’t have to do anything you don’t want do do”.

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In the Hot Gurl Freakz Universe, we have a right to declare anything sacred and necessary of creating a boundary around it. We have an imperative to be discerning with our precious energy; to curate our life and what we allow (and don’t allow) into it. This applies across numerous dimensions of our lives, including our time, our bodies, and our relationships.

Time

To draw a boundary around something is to declare what is inside sacred and necessary of protection from outside influence. If you asked the Head Psychic at The Container Store (yes, The Container Store was originally started by a cult, the cult of Jojoba Kazunko, an aged poet who settled on the Wisconsin coast and attracted a small hoard of container enthusiasts during his short reign), they would tell you that a container does the same thing. I suppose that means that in this modern era, a handful of old batteries and a package of Swiffer duster replacement heads justifies as sacred. In fact, I have those items on my altar right now, along with a framed painting of a robot and a can WD40! While you may not worship these false idols of consumerism, I think we can all agree that containers hold value in some areas of life. One of the biggest ways I utilize containment is through time blocking.

For as long as I can remember I have been trying to get a creative and/or business venture off the ground. And up until recently, I had been going about it all wrong. For no lack of enthusiasm or effort, I had been spinning my wheels and sloshing around my energy like the water in an overstuffed hot tub. Without time blocks (schedule containers) my efforts spread haphazardlessly across time and space, never truly moving the needle forward, and giving me the persistent feeling that I should be working on something at any given moment, consequentially making me feel rushed while doing chores and errands because I "should" be working on my personal projects. Afraid of confinement, I had resisted time blocking my schedule, instead resolving to flow with my whims. The result was obviously chaos. It wasn't until I heard about the concept of strong boundaries with total freedom inside, did I understand what I really needed.

After years of trials and tribulations, I have finally dialed in my methods for accomplishing my goals over time and space. The four hours where I work in my studio every morning is a container that needs constant enforcement through my energy and actions. No, I cant go on a run before the period is up. No, I can’t pick up a morning shift, or spend fifteen minutes browsing Spotify for the perfect album to listen to. Drawing this container involves holding a boundary, opening the circle. I ritualistically create the container and boundary for my creative work by walking in a circle around my studio with a cone of incense before and after every session.

Body

My belief used to be that because I was sensitive to other’s needs, it was my obligation to take care of them. I constantly felt depleted, tuning into other people’s energy and overextending beyond my own capacities so that we could better harmonize. I felt that my naturally sunny demeanor was indicative of some duty I had to tend to the moods of others. But it’s not my responsibility to go outside of myself to alter the outer forms of my reality. My work is internal. This all began to shift for me when I began taking ritual action every morning to protect my energy.

One of the first steps involved in many practices of ritual magic is casting a circle. A witch draws a circle of energy and prays for protection around it, so that the magic can go flourish inside this sacred space. This way, the energy becomes concentrated and contained, so that her intentions may be amplified within the circle. Asking for protection around the boundaries of this circle is integral for protecting what’s goin’ down inside.

I’ve been considering the same principle as it applies to my own body. My energy is precious and I exist within a circle of sorts. I have been conditioned that I need to push my energy beyond my circle and try to fix the contents of other circles, such as other people’s emotions. But this is a harmful notion. I have one circle to work with, the contents of which are my Magnum Opus. Changing the contents of other circles is not my business. Furthermore, I need to make sure the perimeter of my circle is finely tuned to keep out unwanted energies. I’ve recently started drawing a circle around myself every morning with my hands, to set my protection. I pray for support from my herb spirit buddiez for keeping out unwanted energies. Then I can safely focus on tending to the contents of my circle, amping vitality and life force, smoothing the ripples of my inner landscape. Just as a rose’s spikey thorns protect the tenderness that is her sweet petals, I have a right to protect my own energy.

Relationships

During my People Pleasing Era, I didn’t understand that the consistent compulsion I felt to export my energy into those around me was sucking the absolute juice out of yours truly. I was driven by an unconscious belief that I needed to crowd-fund my love; to keep everyone around me happy in order to be accepted. The realization that I could provide myself with exactly what I was posturing to sequester didn't come in one significant flash or moment that I can remember, it was more of a slow build. I began to recognize that with friends, I value transparency over congeniality. Authentic interactions may lead to a lil more bump and clash, but the feelings and motives will be colliding in real time, rather than getting stored in my body and distorting with age. A ‘yes’ all the time is not interesting, it is unbalanced. There is no dynamic tension, something that, in our world of dualities, is a driving force of expansion. Strengthening the "no" becomes imperative. My energy is precious, and if I let it slosh and spill according to the whims of passing hot-tub-goers, all heck will break lose. Or more likely, I will be chronically dissatisfied as I live a life according to the desires and expectations of others. The Hot Gurl Freak archetype invites me to honor myself, and reminds me that holding a boundary needn't be mean. I don’t need to declare, "back off numb nuts!" Clear is kind. Clear can be gentle and firm.